My London Nightmare (Part 2)

There is a Chinese saying, trouble do not travel alone. After being “threaten” by my admission tutor, I started to get worried if I am able to catch up with the school work. While I was trying to get accustom to the life in London and school work, I was once again put into test by god…….

As a second year student, I was required to take a supplementary course. The supplementary course is similar to those cross faculty subjects offer in National University of Singapore (NUS) or Nayang Technology University (NTU). Because I register for the supplementary course “late” *the other students register last academic year*, the only course left open for me is the Biochemistry dissertation. It is a 6000 words report that I have to write with a lecturer assigned as my mentor.

For most of my dear friend out there, you all might have known that I have terrible problem with the English language. My General Certificate of Education, ordinary level (GCE ‘O’ level) English language subject is only C5. That is not all, after being away from school for about three years *two and a half years in the National Service (NS), half a year waiting for the NS enlistment and the start my College*, which I had not been reading and writing much, my English have deteriorated. My point here is that my English s**ks to the core.

The problem comes in when I talk to my project mentor, and submitted a outline of my dissertation to him, he commented that my command of English is extremely poor. My mentor said he cannot understand what I was writing and asked me how I fair for my year 1 studies *he forgot that I come into year 2 straight*. This is the point that breaks me. Not that he forgot about my status, but his question struck me that with my command of English, I would not be able to express myself clearly in exams and thus, fail my exams.

With weeks of fear after meeting my admission tutor that I might not be able to cope with my studies. Now my dissertation mentor is trying to tell me that my terrible command of English will affect my academic performances as I cannot express my knowledge and ideas in a well understood manner.

All these events and comments set fear in me, get me worried and eventually led me to have self doubt. Initially, with the acceptance of my College directly into year 2 boost my morale and give me confidence that I lack in years. I told myself that I am “god-like”. Finally, my talent is recognized !!! I might make it big in the future one day !!! I am member of the elite in the Singapore society !!! But it is the exact same reason that makes me lost all confidence to the rock bottom and even to a stage of self doubt. I even think that I am a dog. I was just simply lucky to get admitted into my College and I am not fit to be in the College at all !!! MY PRESENCE IN LONDON AND COLLEGE WAS JUST PURELY A MISTAKE AND NOTHING MORE !!! I AM NOTHING MORE THAN A PIECE OF SHIT !!!